Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
