theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
