His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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