he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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