dude i'm inner monologue high
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
