I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
