and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
