And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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