Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he thought i was a dude.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
