We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
