I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
