he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
