Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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