She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
