Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize