talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
