And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You may now shotgun with the bride
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
