Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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