i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just invented taco cereal.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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