Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
