shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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