is wine microwaveable?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
