On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
