I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
