so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
