OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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