she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
