I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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