No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
