Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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