ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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