We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So many bounce houses so little time
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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