her vagine was all disorganized.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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