I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
