I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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