Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
