90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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