Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
