so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
whose parrot is this?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had to cum in my sink.
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