You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
