Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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