So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
