I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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