We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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