dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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