now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
