I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
