How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
