Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
