I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
