Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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