Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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