Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I supernannyed him into submission
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
