Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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