glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
