am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
