Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
