Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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