Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize