so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
