I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
