yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
