I think I died a long time ago.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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