god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
