I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
