Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize