I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's the barista slut.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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