Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize